Quotes: Signs of the Times

(signs that too often depict misinformation)

Quotations

The following statements were found on actual products. Really! Why? Is it ignorance on the part of companies or is this something out of “Instructions for Dummies?” Not all of them are blunders in English.

The warning labels are real because some companies are afraid of being abused by frivolous lawsuits that U.S. courts should be throwing out without further consideration. Instead, it is costing consumers millions of dollars because companies are actually required by law to pay large sums for nonsense lawsuits and, of course, these costs are passed on to those who buy their products. Robert Dorigo Jones, president of the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a consumer advocacy group says, “Wacky warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-happy times.”

• On hairdryer instructions:
  Do not use while sleeping.
• On a bag of Fritos:
  You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
  Details inside.
• On a bar of Dial soap:
  Directions: Use like regular soap.
• Frozen dinner that says:
  Serving suggestion: Defrost.
• On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
  Fits one head.
• On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert:
  Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box)
• On Marks & Spencer bread pudding:
  Product will be hot after heating.
• On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
  Do not iron clothes on body.
• On Boots’ (pharmacy chain in the UK) children’s cough medicine:
  Do not drive car or operate machinery after use.
• On Nytol:
  Warning: may cause drowsiness.
• On a Korean kitchen knife:
  Warning: keep out of children.
• On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
  For indoor or outdoor use only.
• On a Japanese food processor:
  Not to be used for the other use.
• On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
  Warning: contains nuts.
• On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
  Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
• On a Swedish chainsaw:
  Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
• Label on a baby stroller (British, “pram”):
  Remove your child before folding the stroller for storage.

The following were found on the Internet:


• A Batman costume carried a warning stating:
  “PARENT: Please exercise caution.
  FOR PLAY ONLY.
  Mask and chest plate are not protective. Cape does not enable user to fly.”
• A plastic sled advises users to wear helmets and to avoid trees, rocks, or “man-made obstacles.”
  It also states: “This product does not have brakes.”
• Addicted to Milk

A self-described milk-a-holic is suing the dairy industry, claiming that a lifetime of drinking whole milk contributed to his clogged arteries and a minor stroke. Norman Mayo, 61, believes he might have avoided his health problems if he had been warned on milk cartons about fat and cholesterol. “I drank milk like some people drink beer or water,” he said. “I’ve always loved a nice cold glass of milk, and I’ve drank [sic] a lot of it.”

Milk Lawsuit —Featured in Jay Leno’s “Tonight Show” [a Talk-Show Host and comedian on American T-V].

As Jay Leno noted in his monologue on June 10, 1997, “Here’s another reason why Americans hate lawyers. A man in suburban Seattle is suing the dairy industry because he’s become addicted to milk and it has raised his cholesterol to dangerous levels. It’s just as dangerous as tobacco. The government should have warning labels on milk, in fact this is the proposed warning label:

Other Quotes, Quotation Units.